And To All A Good Night
by My Beautiful Ending
Summary: It's the Christmas Season! Harley goes shopping and finds a baby in Gotham Mall. She takes it home. What will the Joker do? What happens next? Cute and -I hope -fluffy. Brought on by an attack of Christmas spirit. *Read and Review*
1. The Plot is Revealed

**And to all a Good Night**

TDK Joker, most everything else BTAS feel. Yeah yeah, It's Christmas okay? I can't help if the holidays inspire me! Anyways. Hope you like it, this is my first attempt at writing something cute and fluffy.

* * *

**Part I: The Plot is revealed**

A young mother in the biggest mall in Gotham was tired and frazzled. Her toddler kept crying to get out of the stroller, she still hadn't done her Christmas shopping with Christmas only three days away, and she had burned her hand on her curling iron that morning. The toddler, a girl about two and a half, with feathery blond hair and green eyes red from crying started fussing again because of the lack of movement. The mother put a hand to her forehead and gave in, lifting the girl out of the stroller. After setting her on the ground with her teddy, she turned back to the clothes rack, glad that the wails had stopped.

The little girl got to her feet and wandered off on her short legs through the forest of clothes racks, stands, and shoppers. Holding her teddy, she wandered out of the women's department and into the shoe section where the sales associates smiled at her and looked around for her mother, but when they looked back, she was gone. Off she went into the perfume section of the store, intrigued by the mirrors and sweet smells.

Back in the women's department, the young mother looked around for her child, who was nowhere to be seen. "Where have you gone off to now?" she asked, exasperated.

The van pulled up by a side entrance and thugs in clown masks piled out, along with a woman in a red and black-checkered outfit and jester hat. Her face was painted white, and she wore a black hourglass mask with a dash of red lipstick.

Her voice had a slight twang to it, like you would find at a preppy all girls' school. "You boy's get the cash, I'm going shopping!" She grabbed pistol from the van and danced into the mall, a big smile on her face. She did a cartwheel into the purse section, where most people were too shocked and cowed to stop her from taking what she wanted. This was Gotham; when stores got robbed, you put your head down and stayed out of the way to avoid being shot. Heroism only got you killed here. After settling on a big black purse, she tumbled into the shoe section. She grabbed four pairs of shoes: black boots that came up to her knees, sparkly sandals, tan wedges, and red stilettos, and stuffed them in her purse. Then, following her nose, she moved to the perfume and jewelry section.

This was, of course, Harley Quinn, the Joker's hench girl. Her outfit was actually a harlequin costume, and she was nimble and quick from years as a gymnast.

Harley helped herself to a pearl necklace and diamond watch before trying out all different kinds of perfume. _Gee, I wonder what Mistah J will want for Christmas. _She loved the man, but did he have to be so hard to shop for? She was considering everything from playing cards, a new green vest, and a Rolex watch to new weapons and a Santa hat. Then she had a most brilliant idea. _That's it!!!_ She went and got it, sticking it in her purse. What else did she need? She had the urge to run her hand through her blond hair and remembered just in time she was in uniform. She settled for patting her hat and shaking the two points that she stuck her pigtails in. She glanced at her reflection in a mirror, running a hand over her hips and thinking. What _did_ one call the two things that hung down from her cap? Actually, they looked like ears. She shook them again. Oh well.

"Mama?' a small voice asked her. Harley glanced down to see the cutest cherub of a baby she had ever seen.

"Awww. Hi sweetie!" She bent down. The little girl was carrying a teddy bear. "What's your name?"

The girl stuck her thumb in her mouth and didn't answer.

Harley tried again. "Where's your mommy honey?"

"Mama?" The little girl asked again, looking around confusedly, tears welling up in her eyes. Harley could see the tear tracks that had previously been there. Had she been left? What sort of a person would leave a poor defenseless baby in the middle of the mall all by herself?

She made her decision. "C'mon baby, you're coming home with me. I'll be your mommy." She scooped the child up in her arms after putting her pistol in the new purse. "Everything's gonna be a-okay." The little girl buried her face in Harley's neck, tired from her ordeal. Harley planted her on her hip, grabbed the bottle of perfume, and hightailed it out to the van. A cop accosted her, trying to arrest her, but she pulled out a vial of laughing gas, screwed it onto the pistol, and fired it at him. He was laughing up a storm when she left.

Back at the van, she handed her bags to one of the clowns and climbed into the passenger seat. The driver asked her, "Where'd you pick up the kid?"

"In the mall."

"Huh. Didn't know you could get kids there. What's the boss gonna say about it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is he gonna be okay wit the kid?"

Harley hugged the tiny girl protectively. She actually hadn't thought about how the Joker would take it. "Why shouldn't he be okay with it? I'm the one that's taking care of her."

"Okay," he shrugged, and put the van in gear.

Best case scenario: he'd think it a marvelous joke. Worse case scenario: …she didn't want to think about worse case scenario. It made her head hurt. She occupied the time riding back to the hideout whispering to the girl, who was playing with her teddy, and thinking of names to call her.

* * *

**Press the magic button and make my day! :)**


	2. The Plot Thickens

**Hey, I've kind of timed this to finish up the week of Christmas, okay? plus I'm also updating another story. So yeah. Part 2/5**

**

* * *

**

**Part II: The Plot Thickens**

When Harley walked in the door, the last think he expected her to bring back was a baby. Maybe that was why he didn't say anything about it at first. She told one of the new guys where to put her haul, and then walked to the couch to sit down beside him. The kid was asleep on her shoulder, and Harley's smile, though the same size as usual, contained a bit of apprehension. "Hi Puddin'!" She said as usual, and he wanted to grit his teeth. Why "puddin'?"

"Hey Harl," he said, smiling. The scars at the corners of his mouth pulled. He gave the tiny kid a pointed look. "Whatdidja find at the, ah, _mall_?"

"I got some shoes and things. Girl stuff. And guess what!"

He guessed what. "You found a kid."

"Yeah! The poor thing was wandering around the perfume department, crying for her mommy. I bet the witch just left the little baby there for dead! So I brought her home. Isn't she cute?" Harley beamed at the girl she carried.

He doubted that was the whole story, or even the correct story. But dear Harley had a thing for bending reality to fit her needs. Also exaggeration. He had no idea if the tyke was cute; all he could see was that she was blond.

"Can I keep her?" Harley said in a small, hopeful voice.

Her blue eyes had a pitifully hopeful puppy dog look that somehow he just could not eradicate, no matter how hard he tried. He licked his lips and scars and thought about it. "Make sure she doesn't howl all the time, or I'll give her a reason to scream bloody murder."

He watched, smirking, as Harley's face literally glowed with happiness. "Oh, no! She won't cry. She's a good baby, aren't you honey?" She rubbed the tiny back. "We have to think of names! What about Tracie?"

He got up from the couch for the kitchen. He said she could keep the kid, not involve him. She picked up the kid and followed him even so. Lifting her head, the little girl blinked her blue eyes blearily. Her face was smudged white on one side from contact with Harley's cheek. Giggles burst forth from his harlequin. "You look just like Mistah J and Harley, Tracie!"

The tiny one's brow twisted quizzically.

"Harley," Harley said, pointing to herself. "Mistah J," she said, pointing to him. The kid twisted in her grasp to get a better look at him.

" 'Day," she said in baby talk, surprisingly not screaming or throwing a fuss when she saw his face. She turned back to Harley. "Bah-bie."

His laugh echoed in the room as he cackled and hooted from his chair. She had just said _Barbie._ Hahahaha! Harley was reminiscent of a Barbie doll, when you thought about it. He laughed again.

The little girl stared at him, unsure what had brought on his onslaught of hysterics.

His harlequin shot him a black look. "It wasn't _that_ funny."

Maybe this kid would be good for some laughs after all.

Harley had fed the kid on her lap all through supper, keeping a running monologue going. "You know, maybe we oughtta get some baby stuff. And some toys. And…" He had tuned her out. She was useful in her own way, but he sometimes forgot that.

After supper, she had announced her intent to give the kid a bath. "C'mon, Clementine, let's give you a bath."

He had raised an eyebrow. "I thought her name was Tracie."

"I changed it," Harley explained. "Clemmie, stop playing with the babies and come here." The kid had found the hyena's bed and was petting them. They were quite docile, panting like dogs and being as non-threatening as all get-out. He might need to replace them soon.

Harley changed into a pair of shorts and tank top in preparation to get waterlogged. "Bath time," she sang out, picking up the kid and walking her into the kitchen. He tilted his head, watching her legs as she walked through the door. "Don't you, ah, give people baths in the _bath_tub?" he called after her.

"Not babies. You give them baths in the sink," she yelled back. He wasn't going to ask how she knew that bit of information. The hyenas saw their chance with their mistress out of the room. They bolted for the couch, where they were usually denied access. The Joker rubbed their heads and then cuffed them to make them sit down and be quiet. The radio snapped on in the kitchen and soft Christmas music burbled out of it, along with Harley's warbling and occasional splashes. The TV set in front of him hummed softly, playing the Gotham news.

The running water stopped. "Puddin'?" Harley called.

He turned to face the door. She was standing in the doorway holding the kid, who was wrapped in a towel. "Do I put her old clothes back on her now?"

How should he know? "It's not like you've got another option." She had a big wet streak down the front of her shirt, making it stick to her body.

She frowned. "Do you think stores would still be open? I could send one of the boys to get somethin'."

"You'd have to put her in her old clothes in the meantime. She'll be fine 'til tomorrow." Tomorrow? What was he saying? This kid was going to be a high maintenance thing. Harley didn't know what she was getting into.

"Okay. Here we go, Bluebell." As she disappeared back into the kitchen, the Joker rolled his black-rimmed eyes. How many times was she going to rename this kid? Wait, he didn't want to know. Here she was back again, with the kid dressed and hair wet. Snapping her fingers at the hyenas, Harley commanded, "DOWN." They slunk back to their bed obediently. They did what she said because she was the only one who remembered to feed them. When she put the kid down, the blond tyke followed them, squealing in delight as they licked her ear.

The Joker grabbed Harley's hand and pulled her down on the couch beside him. He grabbed her tightly around the waist and kissed her hard. He let her loose again and resumed watching the television screen. His harlequin curled up beside him and put her head on his shoulder, sighing lightly. For a long time the only sound was the newscaster on the screen.


	3. The Plot Congeals

**Wow! I leave for one weekend, and my email box fills up! Well, not filled, but there were A LOT of notifications! Thanks so much to the people who reviewed! I feel so loved [: 3 Anyway, here's part 3/5. It will be a little while until the next chappie because of finals :P so I hope you like it!!!! Review and raise my mood while I study!**

**

* * *

**

**Part III: the Plot Congeals**

He semi-woke-up the next morning when Harley slipped out between the covers.

"Where're you going?" he muttered.

"I have to go feed the babies and Vivie," she whispered, pulling on her robe. He rolled over and went back to sleep.

Harley turned on the light in the den. Vivie, or Bluebell, or whatever her name was, had seemed fine sleeping with the babies, so she had let her. "Wakey wakey!" She said softly, picking the toddler up. The tot yawned, showing baby teeth and a pink tongue. "Bah-bie," she said sleepily.

"Harley, honey. Har-ley."

"Bah-bie," the little girl said stubbornly.

The harlequin frowned. "We're going to have to work on this." She grabbed a side of meat from the freezer and tossed it to the hyenas, which made short work of it. Pouring two glasses of milk, she helped the girl drink from her cup. "I don't think Vivie. Maybe Aileen?" The girl choked on her milk, sputtering. Harley patted her back and wiped her face. "No. How about Poppy?" No response. "Well, we'll try it."

Harley pulled out the cheerios and poured them out on the table. The girl took two handfuls and began eating while the harlequin made coffee. After Harley flipped on the TV, the little girl began chunking cheerios at the hyenas.

"Poppy, the babies don't need any more food." The little girl took no heed of her, and the hyenas certainly didn't mind.

"Poppy, _no._" Harley swept up the remaining cheerios into the trash and picked her up. The blond girl began to cry angrily. Why didn't she understand that she wanted to throw cheerios?

Harley bounced the girl on her shoulder, whispering, "Shshshsh. Hush now, hush." _Don't wake up, don't wake up, don't wake up…_

Too late.

Harley froze as the Joker wandered into the kitchen and poured him self a cup of coffee. "Did she wake you up?" she asked in a tiny voice. The toddler had surprisingly stopped crying when he had entered the room.

He stared blearily at her over the coffee cup. "I'm not awake yet. So no."

Harley sighed happily. The little girl said, " 'Day," and pointed a stubby finger at Mistah J.

He smirked. "I think you should name her Scamp." The little girl's hair was sticking out all over her head and she had a milk mustache, which Harley was in the process of wiping off.

"Scamp's a boy's name," Harley said. "What about Opal?"

The Joker rolled his eyes.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Later that Day**

Harley shrieked happily as an idea came to her. Mistah J turned to stare at her, probably wondering what had gotten into her head this time. She smiled at him. "I found her name!" She said triumphantly, pointing with the dishtowel she was drying dishes with to the tot playing on a threadbare rub with the hyenas.

All he did was raise an eyebrow. "Do tell."

She wilted a little. Couldn't he be at least a little excited? "She'll be Gamine. It fits, you know? Joker, Harlequin, and Gamine?" She grinned pleadingly. _Get my joke, please please please…._

He blinked. "Cute. It fits the rug rat."

The 'rug rat' looked up. "Doggie," she said, pointing to the hyenas.

Harley sighed. "No, Gamine. Hyenas."

"Doggie," she said mulishly.

The Joker got up from his spot and stood over Gamine. She raised her hand and said, "Up, 'Day." He bent down and picked her up, and then tossed her high into the air. She spun around and came back down. He caught her in his hands at the last second. Gamine laughed hysterically and yelled, " 'gain, 'gain!"

Harley knew she had a shocked look on her face. He asked, "What, did you think I was going to drop her?" and gave her a wicked grin.

She smiled in relief and happiness, going limp. He tossed her into the air again as the harlequin turned on the radio and Christmas music flowed out. Harley hummed along as she finished drying the plates. She hung up her apron and dishtowel and slipped a hand under his arm (making sure it was _after_ he had caught Gamine).

"Can we get a Christmas tree, Puddin'?"

"Why?"

"It's Christmas! 'Tis the season and all that. Ho ho ho and mistletoe and being merry."

"Doll, this is as merry as I get," he told her with a rakish grin, handing Gamine back to her. She knew it to be true. He wasn't the type to be sincerely happy. Insanely happy, yes. Cruelly happy, yes. Joyfully happy? She hadn't ever seen it.

He looked into her big blue eyes. That puppy dog look was back. Gah. It was sweet, but like sticky taffy that gets stuck in your teeth. The kid was wriggling in her grip. "'Day, 'Day!" she called, reaching for him. He just stared at her. They were all reaching for him: the brat with her arms, and Harley with invisible arms.

"It doesn't have to stay up long," Harley was saying. "Christmas is only two days away. Then it can come down."

"Okay."

She hadn't heard him. "I'll make sure the babies don't get in it, and –"

"I said, okay!"

She was doing it again with the light bulb thing, shining from happiness. "Thank you Puddin'!" She threw her arms around him, slightly squishing Gamine between them. He wrapped his own arms around her to keep them from overbalancing and falling over. They stayed that way for a while.

"What else do we need Gamine?" Harley asked the toddler as she pushed the shopping cart down the aisle of the supermarket. Her makeup-less face looked down at the little girl who was playing with her teddy bear. "Hmm," she said, thinking. Harley pursed her lips. "Oooh! Lights!" She turned the cart around back to the Christmas light aisle and grabbed three bags, just to be safe. Then they headed to the check out.

Once she paid, the clerk asked her, "Hey, is that your girl?"

"Yes," Harley said, smiling, "why?"

"She looks a lot like that baby that was kidnapped from the mall."

Harley's smile felt stuck in place. "Oh? Weird coincidence."

"Yeah, it's sad." The man reached under the counter to grab another bag for the next shopper. "It's in all the papers. How scary would that be, to have your kid snatched from underfoot and just taken like that –"

The clerk looked up. No one was there; she was gone. "Huh," he said. Coincidence? Maybe. But he paged his supervisor anyway.

* * *

***GASP!***

**What will happen next?!**

**Will this kid suffer psychological damage from being renamed so often?**

**And will Harley get her Christmas?**

**Stay tuned!!! *theme music plays*  
**


	4. The Plot is Baked

**Okay! Only one more part after this! 4/5 up. Review please!  
**

**

* * *

**

**Part IV: The Plot is Baked**

Harley had Gamine in one arm and her packages in the other, and she was almost flying down the back alleys of Gotham, she was running so fast. The papers? It was in the papers? She didn't kidnap Gamine! She had…rescued her! Saved her from… Harley looked down at the cute little cherub who was hugging her teddy, looking a little ready for her nap. Saved her from her mother?

Harley put on the brakes and leaned against an alley wall, sliding down it and hitting the concrete with a bump. Frantically opening the paper she had snagged, she scanned it. _"Child Kidnapped from Gotham Mall. Mother frantic."_

'_She wandered away from me' mother Teresa Harrison said. 'She does that pretty often, so I wasn't worried until about ten minutes later when I still couldn't find her! I don't know where she is. I hope nothing bad happens to her… I miss her so much. Please, please being her back.' _

"Bah-bie," Gamine said, poking her nose.

"Harley," she automatically corrected, putting her head in her hands. Why did she always do this? "I didn't mean to," she whispered to the wind. "I wanted… I wanted…"

_I wanted somebody to take care of, somebody who would love me as innocently as a child, no reservations, limitations, or boundaries. But that's not going to happen._

Her lip quivered, but she took a shaky breath and stuck her chin in the air. "Come on, Gamine. I bet that's not your name, but I can't keep renaming you. I'll figure this out, somehow. Promise."

She picked the little girl up, along with her bags, and began to walk back home. Light was fading from the sky, and the temperature had been steadily dropping for the last few hours. _It might be a white Christmas Eve,_ Harley thought to herself. Looking up at the heavy clouds, she had an idea: risky, but it could work.

She slipped out of the alley minutes later in her harlequin costume and makeup done up to the nines, still carrying Gamine and her bags. When you went to go parley with an enemy you should always look your best. She hid her bags in a safe place and began to make her way to MCU. She stepped lightly on the fire escape, nimbly jumping over squeaky spots and rusted steps, remembering to duck down low past windows. The first thing she did upon reaching the top was to block the doors that lead down into the building's interior. As she crept up to the Bat signal, she seriously considered her actions.

_Will Mistah J be mad at me? _

_I shouldn't have taken Gamine. But I want to keep her. _

_Her mother wants her back. Her _real _mother._

_What if I get caught?_

She kissed Gamine on the head, flipped the switch on the Bat signal, and ran to the safety of the shadows.

He was a punctual guy, and fast. He dropped to the roof in a rustle of black fabric and darkness a few minutes later. Her gloved and ruffled hand turned off the Bat signal and walked into his line of sight. He paused at the sight of her pointing a gun at him with Gamine on her arm.

"I need you to take her back to her mother," Harley said in a shrill voice she almost didn't recognize as her own.

"Why?" His voice was still low and growly, giving her the creeps.

"I made a mistake." She put the girl down, still pointing the gun at him. "Go to the Bat-man, Gamine."

"Bah-bie," she said, not understanding.

"The Bat-man, honey. Go on." The toddler looked around and a smile broke upon her face as she spied someone new to play with. "Bah-man!" She scurried on her short little legs toward him, excited about this new playmate.

He picked her up carefully and held her securely in his arms. "You're doing the right thing, Harley. You don't need that gun."

"I don't want to go back to Arkham, and this is the only way I can keep you from taking me back."

"The only way the Joker's taught you."

She shook her head. "Don't bring him up. Just _go_," she said, leveling the gun at him.

"Have a Merry Christmas, Harleen." She laughed in disbelief. "I mean it. Merry Christmas to you and the Joker."

"Why on earth would you wish _us_ a Merry Christmas?"

"It's part of the things you don't understand. Good will toward men, forgiveness, and peace. But just because you don't understand them doesn't suggest I mean them any less." With that he dropped silently off the roof, safely holding Gamine.

Harley put the safety back on the gun and walked to the edge of the building. "Bye, Gamine. I'll miss you."

* * *

**Aww! So sad! Gamine left! :(  
**

**Oh well, it was necessary for the plot.**

**Harley made a good decision!  
**

**But she left all her Christmas stuff!!!  
**

**Will she _ever_ get her Christmas?**

**Stay Tuned!!!!!!!!!! :) Hit the magic button and make me happy!  
**


	5. The Joker Takes the Cake!

**Yay! So here's the last part, 5/5. I hope you like the Finale! When you review, tell me, should I keep writing fluff?**

**And here...we...go!**

**

* * *

**

**Part V: The Joker Takes the Cake**

She managed to drag herself home. It felt like all her tiredness had snuck up on her and jumped on her all at once. J raised an eyebrow but didn't comment when she walked in the door without Gamine, and she was glad. She had forgotten to unblock the doors on MCU and to get her packages back from their hiding place, but at this point she didn't care. She crawled under the purple covers still in costume and wearing her makeup, but that was fine too. Both green pillows had been stained with white and red greasepaint long ago; another coat wasn't going to hurt. Pulling the sheets over her head, she fell asleep.

He came in from the cold night and shook his wet hair like a dog. What had she done, bought out the whole store? He set to work.

A hand on her shoulder woke Harley up. "Uhh," she moaned. The hand was cold, and she was warm under her covers. She wriggled away from the hand, but it kept touching her. She blinked her eyes blearily at the painted face in front of her. "What time is it?" She mumbled.  
~~~~~~~~~~~

He smiled out of one side of his mouth. If he only stretched one side of his face, the pull on his scars didn't hurt as much. Sometimes he liked it, but right now it was bothersome. Harley looked like a cat, curled up in a ball like that. "Almost midnight."

She groaned and tried to roll over, but he wouldn't let her. "Guess what?" He didn't give her any time to guess, not that she felt like it. "_Santa_ came while you were asleep." She sat up in bed and stared at him quizzically. "Come and see," he insisted, yanking on her arm. She got up and followed him into the den.

A big bushy Christmas tree stood in the middle of the room, covered with icicle lights and regular lights, tinsel, multi-colored balls, and a paper snowflake on the top of the tree. From the kitchen wafted a heavenly smell, full of roasting meat and stuffing and wonderful dessert. The hyenas panted from their corner, which also was covered in tinsel. "Ohh…" Harley breathed. It was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. She turned back to him just in time to catch the box he tossed at her. She beamed at him, sitting on the floor to open it. She ripped off the messy wrapping paper to reveal a large box covered in clowns with a crank on the side. She began cranking, and twinkly notes to the tune of "Pop goes the Weasel" floated out. At the end of the song, the lid flew off with a bang and a Jack-in-the-Box flew out at her, holding a large bouquet of red roses and spewing bangle bracelets into the air.

She shrieked out of reflex and happiness, and gave the roses a huge sniff. Gorgeous. "Thank you Puddin'!"

She slid the bangles on her arms and dashed back into the bedroom to grab the carefully hidden and wrapped present. Smiling, she gave it to him; thankful her blush could not be seen under her makeup.

He pulled out the green hair dye with a laugh, and laughed even harder when he saw the Roman candle. "Minx," he told her, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her to him. He pulled her cap off and ran his fingers through her hair as he kissed his harlequin. She came away breathlessly laughing and said, "Why'd you do that?" He pointed slyly at the piece of mistletoe he had tacked up on the ceiling. "Oh," she said, and kissed him again in the tree's colored glow. After he broke the kiss, she asked him, "How did you know where I hid my bags?"

"I followed you."

"Oh." She looked down at the floor. "So you know about Gamine, and –him."

"Yeah." He wasn't mad at her. Kinda glad the kid was gone, but she had been fun while she lasted. "Good will toward men, and all that jazz." He rolled his eyes.

She looked up at him with a smile. One of the hyenas bounded out of their bed, brushing past the TV. Its tail hit the power button and the screen came to life, showing a late night Christmas special. Sweet, soft strains of "Silent Night" came echoing out of the set. He put his arm around his harlequin's shoulders and held her close as she put her head on his chest.

_Silent night, holy night,_

_All is calm; all is bright,_

_Round yon virgin, mother and child_

_Holy infant so tender and mild,_

_Sleep in heavenly peace,_

_Sleep in heavenly peace._


End file.
